Chapter 15

"I wish I had known that I wasn't going to see Mr. Black again when we shook hands that afternoon. I wouldn't have let go. Or I would have forced him to keep searching with me. Or I would have told him about how Dad called when I was home. But I didn't known, just like I didn't know it was the last time Dad would ever tuck me in, because you never know" (286).

This quote hit me incredibly hard, because I can really relate to that feeling of regret. It's kind of like in dramatic TV shows, where someone dies, and their husband or wife, or someone close to them is very upset because of the last conversation they did (or didn't have with that person). Like if you were fighting with your friend, then they died, and you regretted fighting with them, and just wished that the last words you had said to them were I love you, instead of something mean. I think that Oskar is very upset by this, because when Mr. Black asked him if he understood why he was done helping him, Oskar replied that he understood. But in reality, Oskar wishes that he fought for Mr. Black, and told him that he needed him, and that he couldn't leave Oskar alone.

"All of a sudden I understood why, when Mom asked where I was going, and I said "Out," she didn't ask any more questions. She didn't have to, because she knew" (291).

This quote was relieving and yet frustrating for me. On one hand, it made me feel a lot better that the mom knew the entire time where Oskar was going, and why she let him go, and that she wasn't just being a bad, careless parent. On the other hand, it's incredibly frustrating for me to think of how this entire time, Oskar worked so hard to keep this from his mom. This also brought up the question in my mind, why did Oskar feel the need to hide this from his mom the entire time? Now that we know the mother was aware the entire time, and she still let Oskar search for the key, and find closure for himself, I don't understand why Oskar thought his mom wouldn't understand.

At first, when I read page 300, and Oskar denied William Black's offer to go to the bank with him, to open the safety deposit box, I was incredibly confused. I thought, why wouldn't Oskar want closure, or to finally find out what he's been looking for a whole 8 months. 

"I wish I hadn't found it." "It wasn't what you were looking for?" "That's not it." "Then what?" "I found it and now I can't look for it." I could tell he didn't understand me. "Looking for it let me stay close to him for a little while longer." "But won't you always be close to him?" I knew the truth. "No" (304).

After reading that, I completely understood why Oskar wouldn't have any interest in finding out what was in the safety deposit box.